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[personal profile] dreamingfifi

I hear that this isn't common knowledge, as I once had assumed. So, hello world. I'm bisexual. "Bisexual" is an adjective to describe someone who can be sexually attracted to men or women. I've been attracted to men and women, therefore I'm bisexual.

How do I know?

I was a late bloomer. For a while, as my friends were going through radical hormone changes and discovering their sexualities, I was left behind, very confused by what all the fuss was about. For a while, I figured that I was asexual. It was actually kinda a joke amongst my friends. They passed around pictures various scantily clad men, and I was bored. They started talking about whomever they thought was hot, and I was bored. They started flirting with guys, and I was bored. I didn't start to feel sexually attracted to anyone until highschool. At first, I was attracted to another talented flutist, who was male, and we kinda dated, but it never got serious in any capacity, and looking back, I wasn't really ready to date yet. I kept him at arms' length, and we ended up breaking up.

Then something unexpected happened. I developed a huge crush on one of my best friends. She was nerdy and weird like me. She was kind and gentle. She was playful and fun. She was booksmart and intelligent. I spent as much time with her as I could, and even braved my telephonophobia to give her a call over the summer break. I wasn't entirely certain what it meant, but I knew that I wanted to be near her.

It was around the same time that I became a mod on a Harry Potter forum. It was a pretty big forum, so there was an entire section devoted to matters of sexuality. There was a thread about coming out of the closet, and people helping each other out and giving encouragement. It was then that I had an epiphany. I really liked this girl. I really really like-liked this girl. I wanted to be her girlfriend.

Then the fear set in. I was friends with a transgender boy and his girlfriend, and I had seen how much pain and grief they went through at school. I was already a nerdy outcast who was constantly picked on by my peers. Coming out and dating her - if she said yes - meant the torment that we faced would increase ten-fold, and worst of all, that she could face rejection from her religious parents. On the other hand, if she said no, would she be uncomfortable being around me? Would she tell other people? Would I lose the precious few friends that I had? It seemed like there was no upside to this situation.

So, I never let it develop into anything. I stayed by her side as her friend, choking back my desires. After two years of letting my crush fade, I discovered Trevor. We were good friends for 6 months, and eventually we started dating. He is nerdy and weird like I am. He's kind and gentle. He's a talented artist and writer. He's book-smart and intelligent. For a while there, I thought that I might be a lesbian, but it turns out that I'm bisexual! Is there a word for someone who's only attracted to nerdy, intelligent, kind people? If so: that's my sexuality.

That's how I came to realize that I am bisexual. It's such a simple thing really. Men or women - it doesn't matter. Their personalities, however, do matter.

I've heard a lot of really weird assumptions about being bisexual. For all of those times that I wish I had piped up and said, "No, you've got it all wrong...

  1. Being bisexual doesn't mean that I'm into threesomes. No really, it doesn't. There are people who are into threesomes. I'm not one of them. Orgies aren't my thing either.
  2. Being bisexual doesn't mean that I would cheat on my husband with a woman. Yes, it would be cheating. Yes, it still counts as cheating.
  3. Being bisexual doesn't mean that I'm not satisfied with my husband. I really really like-like him. I'm not even sure what this talk about "satisfaction" is. Could someone give me a clear meaning please? (ETA: Apparently this is a euphonism for "do you crave vaginas and penises and desperately need both to be sexually satisfied?". For me, sex isn't about the genitalia or the position or the tools, it's an expression of intimacy. So, I don't crave vaginas or penises; I crave intimacy. My husband satisfies my needs for intimacy. Maybe it's different for others, but that's how it is for me.)
  4. Being bisexual doesn't mean that I'm promiscuous. There's nothing wrong with promiscuity, but I'm not.
  5. Being bisexual doesn't mean that I have any weird fetishes either. My fetishes are totally normal. I'm sure that your fetishes are totally normal too. By the way, weird fetishes aren't restricted to any sexuality.
  6. Being bisexual doesn't mean that I've become heterosexual because I married a man. I'm still bisexual. I'm just in a relationship with a man.
  7. Being bisexual doesn't mean that I'm confused about whom I'm attracted too. I know exactly whom I'm attracted to. That's how I arrived at this conclusion in the first place.

So, there it is. If you were confused over the meaning, that should clear it up. If you are still confused, feel free to comment, and I can answer your question. If you think you are bisexual and are worried and afraid - I've been there. Let's talk about it.

July 2015

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